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After being elected as a church leader, the protagonist felt held back by the fact that some of her brothers and sisters had been believers for longer than her and had even personally watered her in the past. To garner the accolades of the others during gatherings, she would pretend to understand things even when she didn't, and forced herself to blather about doctrinal knowledge. While organizing a study group, worried that she'd fail to fellowship clearly, she made up an excuse to have the study group altogether canceled. With the pointer of a sister, the protagonist realized that she had only been fulfilling her duties in order to preserve her status, reputation and face, and that she was walking a path of resistance to God. She was filled with remorse and subsequently repented to God. She then stopped seeking status and reputation, and felt much more relaxed and free.
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